The Last Ever Preview

Probably not, but we're feeling dramatic here at fjordball-towers tonight. It is after all the last preview of the season. Fittingly, it contains some of the very worst gags yet..

Sunday

Relegation double-whammy:

Aalesund (13th) - Lillestrøm (11th)

HamKam (14th) - Molde (10th)

Here it is, Lillestrøm's chance to make themselves even less popular (if that is even possible) with the average Norwegian fan: They could very well send Aalesund, who many neutrals have a soft spot for, down. Aalesund are just a single point above HamKam, so if they were to lose or draw here and HamKam beat Molde, the tangoshirts are off to the Adeccoliga next season.

And after their pathetic display against Lyn last weekend it's easy to draw the conclusion that this is exactly what will happen. On the other hand, HamKam were equally pathetic against Viking, so who knows. One thing that's worth keeping in mind is that most of Aalesund's points this season has come either at home or at other grounds with artificial turf, so their home-advantage is considerable.

But then there's another potential plot-twist here: Molde are Aalesund's local rivals, and here they could potentially consign their enemy to relegation by losing.. now that's food for thought isn't it?

Draw & Draw (honestly, no one at fjordball-towers has a clue what'll happen here)

Fredrikstad (2nd) - Lyn (7th)

Do YOU have a good 6 million NOK just sitting there in a bank (presumably not an Icelandic one), not attracting a lot of interest (a bit like Rune Lange)? Well, you could be the happy owner of Raymond Kvisvik's house (disclaimer: Raymond Kvisvik sold separately). It looks quite nice too, if a bit on the large side (a bit like.. sorry, we can't resist, a bit like it's former occupant). Here, have a look for yourself.

Home win.

Rosenborg (4th) - Bodø/Glimt (6th)

Upon hearing brownnosing Trond Giske's comments that Rosenborg and other Norwegian clubs should sign less foreigners, RBK's sporting director Erik Hoftun told the pandering politician that he was welcome to drop by and discuss whatever was on his mind. Not wanting to seem like a man who makes bold statements without following up with anything, Giske accepted the offer and announced that his office has arranged a date for him to drop by Rosenborg's hq and waste everyone's time for no good reason. Happy days.

Both teams could be in with a shout of finishing third with a win here, that is if Tromsø drop points at home to Stabæk.

Home win.

Strømsgodset (12th) - Viking (5th)

Viking could also sneak third if they win and results go their way, while Strømsgodset don't have much to play for after Aalesund and HamKam's ineptitude last weekend ensured that they boys from Drammen will stay to fight another season in this most glamorous of leagues.

And speaking of glamour, Strømsgodset's attention-seeker and occasional striker David Nielsen, on loan from Danish side OB, has written an autobiography. Or, someone has written it for him, as the man himself probably doesn't know the alphabet. In his book Nielsen claims that he once tried to lose a game on purpose and that he once tried to break Viking-midfielder Allan Gaarde's legs in training when they were at AaB together, because he spoke Italian. These revelations, and the fact that David Nielsen is a bit rubbish, has led to OB announcing that they don't want him to come back when his loan-spell at Strømsgodset is finished. The man himself claims he's just being honest, which isn't the best excuse really.

The book, entitled "Black Swine", probably isn't available in a bookstore near you, and if it is we here at fjordball-towers suggest you give it a miss and spend your time doing something more interesting, like watching paint dry or a DVD-recording of HamKam - Strømsgodset.

Away win.

Tromsø (3rd) - Stabæk (1st)

If Tromsø hadn't collapsed like an Icelandic bank in the latter stage of their league campaign, this could have the title-decider. As it happens, it'll only decide whether or not Tromsø will come third, which isn't all that interesting.

Stabæk have already won the league and they might rest a few players before the upcoming cup final against Vålerenga.

Draw.

Vålerenga (9th) - Brann (8th)

Both have spent far too much money to be where they are in the standings. But here we are, after 25 games they're both on a pretty pathetic 30 points, just over half of Stabæk's total tally and much closer to the relegation-zone than the title-fight. Embarrassing stuff for both.

Draw.