Adecco-update

Sadly for neutrals, the three horse-race for the title of the Adeccoliga is in severe danger of turning into a one horse-race..

Because Odd Grenland once again triumphed, albeit with a surprisingly hard-fought 2-1 win over Alta. Start and Sandefjord on the other hand both dropped points, the former with a 2-2 draw away to Haugesund and the latter with a 0-0 against Sogndal.

In the relegation-battle, Tom Nordlie-powered Kongsvinger beat Sarpsborg Sparta 2-1 to leapfrog Alta in the table while Hødd grabbed only their second win of the season against Sandnes Ulf. 2-1 the scoreline there.

In the clash of the playoff-place rivals Notodden defeated Hønefoss 3-1.

Bryne returned to their usual state of rubbishenss with a 3-0 home defeat at the hands of NIL-Trysil, and lastly Moss finally registered a win as they beat Løv-Ham 3-1.

In the news this week, Start have managed to fight off the threat of imminent bankruptcy. Huzzah! This also means that Erik "Spray tan" Solér is history and a local bank has assumed some sort of ownership of the club. 

Also, word is that Jesus-lookalike Erik Mykland could make his long awaited comeback this Saturday, which would surely give Start's rather meagre attendance-figures a bit of a boost and put some much needed cash in the club's coffers. The diminutive dope-fiend will add some much-needed creativity and vision to Start's midfield, but it remains to be seen if he's body is capable of coping with the physical nature of the Adeccoliga...

Round 22: Tromsø Trip Up

Being a young blog still trying to find itself, still experimenting with various illegal substances and still searching for the perfect format, fjordball is trying on a new way of rounding up this weekend's action. This particular format is shamelessly copied from Tim Stannard's exquisite La Liga Loca-blog (which ALL of you should be reading). 

Good Day

Stabæk

Effectively just two wins away from the title now. Their 4-0 mauling of Molde was not entirely unexpected, but impressive none the less. They might keep dropping points away from home until they fill the Anthony Annan-shaped hole in their midfield, but they certainly have enough in the tank to beat hapless HamKam and Mad Martin's misfiring Vålerenga in their two remaining home-games to tie up the title.

Daniel Nannskog

100 goals in 120 games for Stabæk. Blimey.

Viking

2 in 2 now for Uwe "übermensch" Rösler's disciples. With four games left they could still salvage something from this season, but even if they don't this late upturn in fortunes might give them a much needed sense of optimism for next season.

Ante Vitaic

Knowing HamKam's recruitment and scouting-policies they probably either bought this bloke on e-bay or found him on the street, but nevertheless he has now managed the unlikely feat of scoring directly from a corner-kick twice in half a season. Good on him.

Fredrikstad

After four games without a win FFK finally showed that they are capable of getting three points without Australian whinger Kasey Wehrman. Their title-dreams may be as good as over but they still might claim a medal, which seemed unlikely before the season began. 

Didier Konan Ya

His two goals saw too it that Rosenborg won on a day when they didn't really fire on all cylinders, something they've been struggling to do this season.

Bad Day

Dider Konan Ya

Celebrated his second goal by removing his shirt, for which he received his third yellow card this season and one match-ban. Remarkable skill and remarkable stupidity, all within 30 seconds. 

Tromsø

Instead of selling players in the summer Tromsø borrowed a cool 10 million NOK to sustain their title-challenge. With that in mind, for the team to go and effectively end that challenge by losing 1-0 at home to Lillestrøm, LILLESTRØM for Christ's sake, is unforgivable on a number of levels.

Vålerenga

They're actually getting worse. If it hadn't been for the complete ineptitude of HamKam and Aalesund they'd be in serious danger of slipping into the relegation-scrap. Mad Martin Andresen is lucky that so much money and prestige was put into his appointment, any other manager would surely have been sent packing by now.

TV2's headline-writers

First came the shockingly poor but quite harmless "Ya, it's a win" after Didier Konan Ya's match-winning performance against Aalesund. But then, reporting on Vålerenga's capitulation against Viking, they reached a new low: Over a picture of Mad Martin Andresen their headline read "Blames the players", and the article went on to say "Andresen blamed the players for the defeat against Viking". 

Actual quotes from Martin Andresen: "We picked the wrong team and we have to take the blame for that".

This is just taking the art of being wrong to an entirely new level. TV2 have a long and proud tradition of being wrong about stuff, everything from rubbish transfer-rumors and clueless pundits, but now they're actually getting the content of their own articles wrong. Amazing.

Kjetil Rekdal

What now, Kjetil? A single point in his first three games in charge was probably not what he nor the Aalesund-board had in mind when they brought him in, and since HamKam have started getting the odd point here and there the situation is now starting to look very bleak indeed. 

Round 22 of the Tippeliga:

Tromsø 0 - 1 Lillestrøm

Brann 2 - 0 Lyn

Fredrikstad 2 - 1 Strømsgodset

HamKam 2 - 2 Bodø/Glimt

Vålerenga 0 - 1 Viking

Aalesund 1 - 2 Rosenborg

Stabæk 4 - 0 Molde

The table

The Preview That's Going To War

Yarr!

That's right, no more Mr. Nice Blog. The general mood here at fjordball-towers has been muggy ever since those cruel bastards over at Wikipedia unceremoniously deleted fjordball's entry. It's payback time. Every week from now on fjordball will edit a random wikipedia-entry in an inappropriate manner. Have it, bitches!

Saturday

 

Tromsø (2nd) - Lillestrøm (12th)

Slowly but surely Tromsø have been eating away at Stabæk's lead and the gap has now narrowed to a mere three points. The Northerners' stellar defensive record has already been mentioned this week but deserves to be mentioned again: 15 goals conceded in 21 games in a league as random and mind-boggling as the Tippeliga is an incredible achievement. 

Home win.

Sunday

Brann (8th) - Lyn (6th)

From Azar Karadas' Wikipedia-entry:

Early Years

In his younger days Karadas had a blossoming career as a nightclub bouncer. However it all went spectacularly wrong one night when Karadas, heavily influenced by Kicks Like A Mule's oldschool-classic "The Bouncer", flatly refused to admit any person not named Dave (a common misinterpretation of the song's lyrics). As a result the nightclub's clientele that evening consisted only of three people who claimed to be American folk-rocker Dave Matthews, one who claimed to be Dave Chappelle and a man who claimed to be Norwegian broadcasting-legend Davy Wathne.

Karadas was dismissed and struggled to find work as a bouncer following the embarrassing ordeal. Frustrated, he turned to performance art and decided to go on a life-long mission to depict the human struggle through the medium of football. His performances has earned him rave reviews from certain French intellectuals and some football-pundits.

The nightclub-incident is in the process of being turned into a major motion-picture starring Kristoffer Joner as Karadas, Jan Gunnar Solli as a man claiming to be Dave Chappelle, Raymond Kvisvik as the nightclub and co-starring Kriss Akabusi in a number of small but not insignificant parts, possibly including the role of Davy Wathne.

Take that you Wiki-twats! How's your credibility now?

Draw.

Fredrikstad (3rd) - Strømsgodset (9th)

Is Kasey Wehrman the biggest cry-baby the Tippeliga has ever seen? It would certainly seem so, as just weeks after he was told to pipe down and get on with it the whinging Aussie is back at in the media harping on about wanting a new contract. "We're sick and tired of his whinging. It's not a given that players get a new, longer and better contract after a good season. He signed a contract he was happy with when he came here," was Fredrikstad's acting sporting director Per Morten Haugen's excellent reply.

Home win.

HamKam (13th) - Bodø/Glimt (4th)

What should by anyone's logic have been a relegation six-pointer has as a result of Bodø/Glimt's remarkable season turned into a bit of a top versus bottom-thing. HamKam looked thoroughly useless last week against Rosenborg, but that's not really a crime. They'll need to improve though against Bodø/Glimt and their devious counter-attacking ways if they are going to pick up more points.

Away win.

Vålerenga (11th) - Viking (7th)

Yet another battle of the overspending underachievers (it seems every other game fits this description this season), as Mad Martin's Vålerenga go head to head with Uwe "übermensch" Rösler's Viking. Vålerenga's poor season was rescued somewhat this week as they overcame Molde to advance to the final of the Norwegian cup, while Viking probably felt well pleased with themselves last week when they thumped much fancied Stabæk.

Draw.

Aalesund (14th) - Rosenborg (5th)

Oh dear. Kjetil Rekdal could have done without this one, as Rosenborg really are starting to look like their old impervious selves. HamKam certainly didn't know what hit them last week, and it'll take something special for Aalesund to avoid a similar fate here. One potential bright spot for Aalesund is that Rune Jarstein, who has been a bit off his trolley lately, will be re-instated in Rosenborg's goal following an injury to his temporary replacement Alexander Lund Hansen.

Away win.

Monday

Stabæk (1st) - Molde (10th)

There was a gulf in class on evidence when these two met in the other semifinal of the Norwegian cup this week, not because Stabæk played Molde off the park but because they showed the incisiveness to calmly put 3 goals past Molde in spite of not playing all that well. Except a repeat of that game on Monday night. 

Home win.

Adecco-update

Oh bugger, forgot about this..

..which is strange, because the round was anything but forgettable. Odd reclaimed their top-spot with a surprisingly labored 3-2 win over Moss. Seriously weird things happened at Sør Arena were a seemingly reborn Bryne came away with a 2-1 win over much fancied Start, while in-form Sandefjord somewhat bizarrely goofed up and were held to a 1-1 draw by NIL-Trysil.

The relegation-battle is starting to get interesting as Kongsvinger bagged another win, 4-2 over the utterly doomed Hødd. This takes them to within two points of Alta, who somehow managed to throw away a 2-0 lead at home against Notodden and lost 3-2. Sandnes/Ulf were defeated again, 2-1 against Sarpsborg Sparta, and if they don't get their act together they could easily see all their good work earlier in the season undone.

In playoff/midtable/whatever-news Sogndal recorded a remarkable 4-0 away-win over playoff-rivals Hønefoss, while Haugesund are still vaguely in the hunt after winning 1-0 at Løv-Ham.

In the news this week, with Sandstø and Ertzeid's splendid bout of trash-talking already covered, that leaves us with the rather less amusing news that TV-pundit and occasional Start-chairman Erik Solér is on his way out of Sør Arena. Start as reported earlier Start need to come up with a lot of cash in a short space of time and it seems the current ownership aren't up to it. The annoying thing about the whole situation is obviously that Start will be able to raise their income-levels sufficiently next season, but that won't help them right now.

Whinging and Trash-Talk

There are a lot of angry people in Norway these days. Most of the anger is directed at the fact that the dishiest contestant in this year's Norwegian edition of Strictly Come Dancing was somewhat surprisingly voted out last week, but within the football-community there are rather more trivial squabbles. 

Daniel Nannskog, a man who handles defeat about as well as Raymond Kvisvik handles his personal economy, was predictably miffed at the weekend when things didn't quite go his way. "Generally the referees in Norway are very good, but today Terje Hauge was terribly bad, just horrible. It was like playing against 14 men out there, which was tough," the not at all sore loser told Dagbladet. 

..which in turn prompted president of the Norwegian Football Federation to have a bit of a pop at Nannskog and whinging players in general. The increasingly creepy-looking "Football-president" Sondre Kåfjord wrote in a press-release that "We must avoid a culture of whinging in Norwegian football, nobody wants that". Which is a bit ironic, because whinging is exactly what said press-release sounded like. 

Kåfjord: Creepy-looking fellow

But, like fjordball at a disco, Kåfjord's appeal was either ignored or met by a mixture of amusement and contempt, and Fredrikstad-manager Anders Grönhagen was next in line to have a moan. "Mommy mommy, when our player said the ref was against us last season he was banned for a game but when Daniel Nannskog says it he gets away with it. No fair mommy, no fair!" he said, or something like that.

Poet and occasional Skeid-manager Arild Stavrum also had a bit of a whinge about Vålerenga stealing his young talents, but really, nobody cares.

The most entertaining story by far this weekend came from the wonderful world of the Adeccoliga, where Start inexplicably lost to a seemingly reborn Bryne. Start-manager Arne Standstø was less than impressed: "Bryne are quite simply a garbage team that we're not supposed to lose to,"  he said, rather magnificently insulting both his own players and their victors. 

The fantastic reply from Bryne's Esben Ertzeid when asked about it was "So that's what he says. Then I think he is a garbage manager."

Now that's what fjordball calls trash-talking. Keep it up.

Round 21: The plot thickens..

Bodø/Glimt 2 (Stig Johansen 2x) - Fredrikstad 1 (Fernando Wallace)

Aalesund 0 - Vålerenga 0

Lyn 1 (Lucas Pratto) - Molde 3 (Aksel Bergen Skjølsvik, Toni Koskela, Mame Biram Diouf)

Rosenborg 4 (Didier Konan Ya, Marek Sapara 2x, Besart Berisha) - HamKam 0

Strømsgodset 1 (Christer George) - Tromsø 3 (Tommy Knarvik, Kevin Larsen, Miika Koppinen)

Viking 4 (Mame Niang, Alexander Ødegaard 2x, Martin Fillo) - Stabæk 1 (Veigar Pall Gunnarsson)

Lillestrøm 1 (Steinar Pedersen) - Brann 1 (Gylfi Einarsson)

Fredrikstad rather predictably played themselves out of title-contention with a 2-1 defeat to remarkable Northerners Bodø/Glimt, it seems fjordball's suspicions that Fredriktad are a bit rubbish without Kasey Wehrman were uncharacteristically accurate. Aalesund and Vålerenga both had reason to be disappointed about it all as they played out a scoreless draw, while Molde shocked and confused everyone by recording a hugely impressive win over Lyn. HamKam made Rosenborg look excellent at Lerkendal, but the real story of the weekend was Tromsø moving to within three points of leaders Stabæk.

Stabæk Reveal Soft Underbelly

All the post-match talk following Stabæk's unexpected capitulation in Stavanger was about the controversial sending off which seemed to doom Stabæk (it was one of those situations where the rules of the game and common sense clash and cause anger and confusion amongst the masses), which is convenient for Jan Jönsson's men as it means no one are talking about how completely they fell apart at the first sign of trouble. 

Fredrikstad and Tromsø have both suffered from early red cards in recent weeks, but both outfits managed to shore things up and salvage a point. Stabæk on the other hand imploded completely and were 4-0 down at half time. Which seems to support another one of fjordball's hobby-horses: The reason Stabæk looked so much more resilient and durable earlier this season than they have before was the now departed Anthony Annan. His heir apparent Pontus Farnerud is a classy player, but he lacks the mean streak and defensive prowess of his predecessor. It's all well and good when you're pummelling dross like Strømsgodset at home, but when the going gets tough Stabæk now lack someone who can put their foot in.

Northern Miracle 

Tromsø in second, just three points off the title. Bodø/Glimt fourth, just one point off a medal. Anyone who predicted this before the season would have been accused of partying with Erik Mykland. How did this happen? The two clubs combined have about the same operating-budget as Brann, they rely heavily on creaky old men like Runar Berg and Sigurd Rushfeldt, but somehow they've both been amongst the most consistent sides this season.

The Tromsø-thing isn't THAT inexplicable, Steinar Nielsen has assembled hard-working bunch that are at times almost impossible to break down (15 goals conceded in 21 games is remarkable) and that has just enough attacking verve to score the goals they need. 

Bodø/Glimt on the other hand have left everyone at fjordball-towers puzzled. A side consisting largely of unknown-types and players thought to be over the hill (Trond Olsen being the only player with a bit of a name), Glimt have proved to be remarkably resilient. Hats off to them, impressive stuff.

The Stressed Out And Overworked Preview

Feel my rage, minions. 

Saturday

Bodø/Glimt (5th) - Fredrikstad (3rd) 

Who would have thought at the start of the season that this would be an encounter between two top5 teams?  It's a funny old game and all that.

Kung-Fu (but not really) Kvisvik has been suspended for three games following his Karate-kick (but not really) on Rune Jarstein, a suspension everyone knew was coming but which Fredrikstad still feel was a bit harsh.

Fjordball got into a discussion with an international fashion-icon in the pub tonight on whether or not Kvisvik giving Jarstein a good kicking was a good thing. Ever the Kvisvik-sympathizer, fjordball's stance is that when you tackle a bloke, then hold him by the legs and call him a diver, you deserve a good kicking. Jarstein got what was coming to him.

Draw.

Jarstein: Deserved a good kicking

Sunday

Aalesund (14th) - Vålerenga (10th)

Kjetil Rekdal's old club versus Kjetil Rekdal's new club, there's sure to be a few players with a point to prove here.

Home win.

Lyn (4th) - Molde (11th) 

New Lyn-manager Kent "Kenta" Bergersen his a man after fjordball's own heart. After beating local rivals Vålerenga in his first match in charge he told the press he'd celebrate with a class of cognac (always trust a man with a bit of class), and now he's declared that the man to replace outgoing top-scorer Espen Hoff is already at the club: Diego Gustavino (who fjordball identified quite a lot time ago as a rather tasty player) has what it takes, according to "Kenta".

Home win.

Symbolic stuff: Hoff replaced by Gustavino

Rosenborg (6th) - HamKam (13th)

Rosenborg are firmly in the driving-seat of their UEFA-cup tie with Brøndby after an impressive away-performance in the first game. They defeated the dastardly Danes 2-1, and will be full of confidence going into the return-leg.

..and yey for HamKam who are finally not rock bottom of the league. But they're still rubbish.

Home win.

Strømsgodset (9th) - Tromsø (2nd)

Oh noes! The Tippeliga's undisputed king of physical comedy Espen Johnsen is set to leave Strømsgodset and return to life on the bench at Rosenborg. "I don't see myself as a number two, but as a challenger. Jarstein is a good goalkeeper, but so am I," the clumsy 'keeper told Dagbladet. 

Away win.

Johnsen: Coming make inexplicably hilarious mistakes at a stadium near you (if you're from Trondheim)

Viking (7th) - Stabæk (1st)

Occasional Viking-striker Peter Ijeh hasn't had the best of years. Before the start of the season Lyn were desperate to sign him (with money they didn't have, presumably), people where putting bets on him finishing top-scorer of the Tippeliga and Viking gave him a terribly rewarding contract to make him stay in Stavanger. 

Six months and one goal later, things aren't looking so good anymore for the sign-on fee-chasing Nigerian. "We have a deal with Ijeh that runs to the end of the 2009-season, and we have no plans of discussing a longer contract with him," sporting director Egil Østenstad told the press this week.

Stabæk are four wins (at the most) away from claiming the title. At least until Sunday night.

Away win.

Monday

Lillestrøm (12th) - Brann (8th) 

The great underachievers do battle on a Monday night to find out.. well.. bugger all really. Brann have nothing to play for and Lillestrøm should be safe enough (if only because Aalesund and HamKam are rubbish).

But Brann at least have the UEFA-Cup, and this Thursday there was a minor miracle at Brann-stadium: Brann played well. And not just against anyone, against the somewhat mighty Deportivo. The Spaniards aren't the force they used to be, but under the stewardship of Miguel Angel "We're all doomed" Lotina they've become a very hard team to beat, as Real Madrid found out a few weeks ago.

2-0 was the score at full-time and even Deportivo's midfield-maestro Juan Carlos Valeron was impressed.

Home win (you know they can't do it twice in one week, you just know it).

Brann: In good performance-shocker (Huseklepp still looks like a tit though)

How much for Demba?!

Since nothing much is going on today (unless you're keenly interested in the fitness of Håkon Opdal or Norway's recent sand-football exploits, which fjordball isn't), the brainiacs at the famed fjordball-think tank has come up with a deadly serious feature which says profound things about the economy, waste and society in general.

It's called: "How much for Demba?!"

That's right, fjordball will examine what Brann could have done with 9,5 million NOK if they hadn't spent it on Njogu Demba-Nyrén.

Ready? 

1 Demba = 11 million lbs of cabbage.

1 Demba = 101,063 copies of the Chuck Norris Collection on DVD.

Norris: Relatively cheap, once you think about it

1 Demba = 150,793 copies of Hunter S. Thompson's epic(ish) novel Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

1 Demba = 380,000 pints of beer at the legendary(ish) Club Alrek.

1 Demba = 1,1 million historic Scicilian houses in the good city of Salemi (subject to availability).

Historic houses: A million of these.. or Demba? You decide..

What would YOU have bought instead of Demba?

Really Bad Opium

As the Oslo stock-market took its worst hit since 9/11, the good people of Norway desperately looked to sports for a juicy story that could distract them from the fact that it's all going a bit pear-shaped.

And what did sports come up with? The two biggest non-stories of the year so far. Shame on you!

First Dagbladet's attempts at whipping up a crisis at Vålerenga was slapped down by just about everyone. Erik "Panzer" Hagen and Supreme Overlord Martin Andresen had a bit of an argument on Monday as the teams were heading into the dressing-rooms at half time, and predictably, depressingly, the media are trying to turn what is an incredibly common occurrence (Martin Andresen arguing with someone) into a big deal. 

"We were discussing something that happened in the game," Hagen said. "It's the way it should be. I like it," Andresen said.

Andresen: Agruing with someone. Who'd have thunk it?

Dagbladet's columnist Morten Pedersen knows better though, according to him the fact that Vålerenga have now taken their frustrations and disagreements public is a clear sign that they need to take their tenth-place seriously.

Yawn.

A spokesman from Vålerenga's supporter-club summed it up perfectly: "There are many people in the media who wants Martin's project to go down the toilet, so I understand perfectly well why incidents like this can become a thing". 

As if this nonsense wasn't enough, Dagbladet yesterday coughed up probably the biggest non-story in recent publishing history: Karate-people are upset that the media called Raymond Kvisvik's kick at Rune Jarstein a karate-kick. 

You couldn't have made it up. Dagbladet apparently received several e-mails from people in the martial arts-community who were offended at headlines like "Kung-Fu Kvisvik Sent Off". 

So being in the midst of a desperately slow news-cycle, Dagbladet put an article together and even at one point put it on their front page.

Kvisvik: Not doing Kung-Fu

This is not news. You can dress is up all you like, it's still not news. Just like Brann can dress Azar Karadas up like a footballer as much as they like, he's still just a doorman in a Brann-kit.

If this economic crisis is going to continue the press really need to do a better job at distracting us all from it, or else fjordball for one just might turn to actual opium.

Adecco-update

And here it is once again, because apparently you want to know..

Start are back on top after a hard-fought 3-2 win away at NIL-Trysil, while Odd drop to second having been held to a draw by Notodden. 

Shock and confusion in Bryne, not only did they win a game but they absolutely thwacked Hødd 6-1. Hødd now look exceptionally doomed, especially with Kongsvinger recording their first win in ages. Powered by the famed "Tom Nordlie-effect" they overcame playoff-hopefuls Hønefoss with a 2-1 scoreline.

As per usual the Adeccoliga produced a couple of dull and uninteresting draws, with Haugesund and Sandefjord as well as Sandnes Ulf and Løv-Ham sharing points in 1-1 stalemates. 

Moss rather shockingly surrendered to Sarpsborg Sparta and lost 4-2 on home turf, and last but not least Sogndal produced another positive result, this time a 2-1 win against Alta

The table will tell you right now that the trio of Start, Odd and Sandefjord look nailed on for direct promotion, though Sogndal are not that far behind and are showing fine form. In the other end Hødd are doomed, while Kongsvinger have a lot of work to do if they are to climd their way to safety.

Derby-Ghost Alive And Kicking

Vålerenga 1 (Luton Shelton) - 2 Lyn (Espen Hoff, Kim Holmen)

Editors at TV2 headquarters must be banging their heads against the wall: Yet again a rubbish Vålerenga-side deprived them of a perfectly good opportunity to use the ghostbusters-theme in a highlights-compilation. 

That's right folks, the derby-ghost is alive and kicking. Vålerenga, for all their money and media-attention, have still not beaten Lyn since 1981. Granted, Lyn spent most of those years in another division, but it's a shocking statistic none the less, especially as most if not all Vålerenga fans will tell you that VIF are a much bigger club than Lyn.

The derby-ghost: Alive and kicking

It's remarkable just how well Lyn are playing, considering the team is seemingly coming apart at the seams, but again they produced a cracking performance buzzing with youthful verve and enthusiasm. With a new owner-scheme in the works and a new manager in Kent Bergersen, things may not be looking so bad for them after all. Stabæk-bound Espen Hoff summed it up perfectly:"We were quite simply better than Vålerenga". 

Indeed they were, and Vålerenga really have to start asking themselves some serious questions. Having gone through a complete revamp of their backroom-staff and spent a lot of money before the season began, they are currently tenth in the table, three places below where they ended up last season. "Lyn were much better than us. We looked like we didn't quite know what to do out there," said fan-favorite Erik "Panzer" Hagen, who was substituted at half-time after Lyn's impish forwards had made him look like a creaky old man for 45 minutes.

Round 20: Super Stabæk, Whinging Viking and Raging Raymond

Tromsø 0 - Bodø/Glimt 0

Brann 1 (Gylfi Einarsson) - Viking 1 (Mame Niang)

HamKam 2 (Vegar Bjerke, Olivier Karekezi) - Aalesund 1 (Tor Hogne Aarøy)

Molde 1 (Aksel Berget Skjølsvik) - Lillestrøm 1 (Olivier Occean)

Stabæk 6 (Daniel Nannskog 4x, Johan Andersson 2x) - Strømsgodset 0

Fredrikstad 1 (Fernando Wallace) - Rosenborg 1 (Dider Konan Ya)

The battle of the North proved to be a bit of a damp squid as Tromsø and Bodø/Glimt played out a scoreless draw, memorable only for Tore Reginiussen who accidentally had his head kicked in by his own goalkeeper. The west coast-derby between Brann and Viking ended 1-1 after Brann put on a masterclass in the noble art of wasting chances, while 1-1 was also the score in Molde after a pretty drab affair. For the first time in ages HamKam aren't bottom of the table, as Kjetil Rekdal was unable to do something about Aalesund's horrible away-record at the first time of asking. The highlight of the round was undoubtedly Stabæk's 6-0 thumping of Strømsgodset, while Fredrikstad showed a great team-spirit to recover from being 1 goal down with a man sent off against Rosenborg.

Super Stabæk

That's it, it's time to call it: Stabæk will win the 2008 Tippeliga. 

A six point-lead with six rounds to go is by no means an unassailable one, but the fact is that there is simply no way Fredrikstad or Tromsø will get seven more points than Stabæk from those six rounds. Especially not with Daniel Nannskog back to his free-scoring best. Admittedly the victory came against Strømsgodset who have been very much hit and miss this season, but after two somewhat stuttering performances which could have been seen as the beginning of a collapse the blue boys were back to their swashbuckling best. 

With their superb goal-difference Stabæk only need four more wins to make the club's first title a mathematical certainty, probably less than that if you take Fredrikstad and Tromsø's erratic form into account. With a trio of home-games against Molde, HamKam and Vålerenga coming up as well as away-ties against underperforming westerners Viking and Brann, you'd expect them to have it sown up before their encounter with Tromsø on the final day of the season.

Whinging Viking

That it, it's time to call it: Viking is the most annoying team of the 2008 Tippeliga.

After scraping a fortunate draw against an exceptionally wasteful Brann-side, the Viking-camp were up in arms accusing Brann of unsporting behaviour. Viking's Mame Niang lost possession around the half-way line and went to ground, the referee saw that there was no head-injury and waved the play on, the ball ended up with Petter Vågan Moan who was hacked down by Viking-captain Nicolai Stockholm, and a brawl ensued which ended with Stockholm and Niang both being booked, as well as Brann's Gylfi Einarsson. 

The Viking-players as well as their manager were enraged and felt the ball should have been played out, a reaction so ludicrous even Bengt Eriksen had a thing or two to say about it. Not only do the rules clearly state that it's the referee's responsibility to determine whether or not the play should be stopped when a player is down, but Viking actually scored a goal just a few weeks ago against Honka when the opposition had a man down.

Perhaps the sulky Stavanger-outfit should consider spending less energy on perceived injustices, and more energy on finding out why the team has regressed so much since last season?

Raging Raymond

That's it, it's time to call it: Raymond Kvisvik is physically incapable of staying out of the headlines.

Just as the whole business of his contract has died down, the portly winger is once again the center of attention, this time for giving Rosenborg-keeper Rune Jarstein a right old kicking (video-link). 

For some bizarre reason Jarstein decided to grab hold of Kvisvik's legs as he was trying to get up from the grass, and Kvisvik promptly kicked him in the chest. "I tried to free myself, and then I kicked him," an honest Kvisvik told the press in a hugely entertaining interview this morning.

While fjordball generally doesn't condone violence, Jarstein is a bit of a prat and this one coming to him. Well done Raymond.

The Preview That Can't Think Of A Title

Plowing mercilessly through this weekend's hopefuls like Kristian Sørli at a party full of underage girls*, here's your weekly preview..

 

Saturday 

Tromsø (2nd) - Bodø/Glimt (4th)

A fiesty encounter awaits as these Northern rivals battle for points and bragging rights at Alfheim. If the top dogs of the North are anything like their lower league counterparts this could be a cracker, as we've already had one account of Northern rage this week: A fourth division match between Polarstjernen and VBK/TBK saw a VBK/TBK-player lose the plot quite spectacularly.

According to the local paper, 29 year old Vladimir Rostov headbutted a 17 year old Polarstjernen-player, and when he was sent off reacted by "kicking the referee and tearing up the yellow and red card". Prior to the incident, raging Rostov had reportedly been so hell-bent on doing damage that whenever he received the ball he would blast it at an opponent rather than pass it to a teammate. Top class insanity there, well done.

Draw.

Not Vladimir "Mad Vlad" Rostov: fjordball blames google

Saturday

Brann (9th) - Viking (7th)

Fun and games at Brann's training-ground this week: The Brann-players had heard rumors that a reporter had tried record a closed club meeting with a hidden microphone, and decided to soak said reporter in water. The "assault" seemed good-natured and humorous, and there were laughs all-around from players and reporters alike.

..and that should have been the end of it, but hilariously TV2's head of football Vegard Jansen Hagen seemed to take offense on behalf of his minion, calling the incident "totally unacceptable" and referring to the players involved as "a lynch mob". Proof if proof was needed that when journalists reach a point on the ladder they turn into self-important, humorless, dimwitted dingleberries. 

Home win.

HamKam (14th) - Aalesund (13th)

All-important clash at Briskeby between the two bottom-dwellers of the Tippeliga. Just a single point separates the two, and in a way this game marks the start of these two teams' battle to avoid the damning last place. 

A while back Dagbladet's much maligned (by fjordball anyway) columnist Otto Ulseth stuck his neck out in Dagbladet and told the world that HamKam would stay up, because of their stoic calm and the fact that they wouldn't change their methods simply because they weren't working.

He has been right so far on one account, they haven't changed anything, and now with them and Aalesund on an almost equal starting point, let's see which team can scrape together more points from the final seven games: The team that stays calm and sticks to a losing formula or the one that panics and changes things?

Draw.

Rekdal: Has seven games to salvage AaFk's season

Molde (11th) - Lillestrøm (12th)

Nothing to see here folks, move right along.

Draw.

Stabæk (1st) - Strømsgodset (8th)

Oh dear. The entire staff here at fjordball-towers have been tearing their hair out all season in frustration at the absolute dearth of interesting things to write about Strømsgodset, and now this: Former Rosenborg and Viking bench-warmer Kristian Sørli (32) has been given a leave of his duties as Strømsgodset-player. Why? Because he has been charged by the police with having had sexual relations with an underage girl (16 being the legal age in Norway). Having already made the crudest of jokes on this subject earlier in the preview, fjordball feels there isn't much to add here.

Things aren't looking quite as rosy as they were earlier for Stabæk: The departure of the outstanding holding midfielder Anthony Annan is a huge blow and with Daniel Nannskog going through a dry spell they lack incisiveness up front. Can they still win the title? Fjordball suspects that they can, if for no other reason than the fact that none of the chasing pack are consistent enough to catch up.

Home win.

Nannskog: Going through a dry-spell

Fredrikstad (3rd) - Rosenborg (6th)

Fredrikstad's title-challenge has been dealt a devastating blow with the news that their captain Kasey Wehrman will miss the rest of the season through injury. Wehrman, whose future at the club has yet to be fully resolved, is not only an influential captain, he is also the only capable holding-midfielder at the club and crucial to Fredrikstad's style of play. His absence means Ralph Nader has a better chance of being the next American President than Fredrikstad have of overtaking Stabæk.

Rosenborg go into this match on the back of three of their strongest performances in the league this season, Fredrikstad on the back of three of their weakest. On the other hand, Fredrikstad has the strongest home-record in the league (8-0-1) and Rosenborg have been very average on the road (2-3-4). Everything indicates that we're in for an intriguing encounter in Sunday's tererstially televised game.

Away win.

*Possibly the crudest joke in the history of bloggery, but following the deletion of fjordball's (fantastically vandalized) wikipedia-entry we're not pulling any punches. No more Mr. Nice Blog.

Failed insemination and other "big" stories

You'd think Ivar Hoff had this season's award for "Most Unfortunate Metaphor" sown up with his "Tom Nordlie is like a premature ejaculation"-rant, but we may have a real contender in Gabriel "Mr. Bryne" Høyland. His assessment of Bryne utterly miserable season is as follows:

"The best cow had been inseminated with the best bull; all we had to do was to look forward to the result. Nine months later there is no sign of a calf, no milk, the cow is empty, it's off to the slaughterhouse."

One can only speculate how literal this is meant to be taken, which Bryne-players were inseminated with what and who are going to get slaughtered. Fjordball suggests their beleaguered manager Rolf Teigen should lock his doors at night and buy a can of mace.



In other news, Brann's sporting director Roald Bruun-Hanssen has revealed that the club turned down the chance to sign Robbie Fowler. Presumably the former Anfield-hero had spoken for former Rangers, Dundee and Brann-ace Charlie Miller, who would have told him that at Brann you can make a good living doing bugger all. Sadly, Brann didn't bite, suggesting that it's been a while since Fowler was any good and that he isn't the kind of player they are looking for.


Things haven't been going according to plan for Viking this season, and by all accounts their manager Uwe Rösler should be under some pressure by now. The teutonic titan has steered one of the most expensive squads in the league to a thoroughly unspectacular mid-table position, yet no one seems to be questioning his wisdom. In fact, the Viking board are very keen to extend his contract (which expires at the end of next season). Bizarrely, it's Rösler who is balking at the prospect: "I must know more about Viking's strategy and economical framework for the next few years before I enter negotiations," he told a puzzled press-pack. You'd think it would be the Viking-board who were keen to know Rösler's strategy for making Viking less rubbish before they slapped a new contract on the table, but there you go.

Adecco-update

The wiki-vandalizing is off to a sluggish, yet satisfying start. Fjordball's wikipedia-entry now suggests that fjordball's editor-in-cheif was, as a child, sat on by a manatee named Sigurd. That is top-quality vandalism, well done. Keep them coming people, keep them coming.

There was Adeccoliga-action this weekend, but it was a bit dull as the big match between Start and Sandefjord was rescheduled due to both teams having players away on international duty. 

And as the Swedish-saying goes, "when the cat is away the rats all eat each other" (note; might not be an actual saying), and Odd reclaimed the top spot with an emphatic win over Kongsvinger. Kongsvinger have, much to everyone's amusement, hired Tom "Keiko" Nordlie in a desperate effort to save their bacon, but this didn't stop Odd from recording a comfortable 3-0 win.

Fellow relegation-battlers Hødd didn't fare much better as they went down to Haugesund on home turf, 1-2 the score in Ulsteinvik. Alta on the other hand took another step in the right direction by spanking managerless Moss 3-0 up North.

Bryne finally ended their seven game losing-streak with a 1-1 draw away to Sarpsborg Sparta, while Sogndal took another step towards the playoff-spot with a 3-2 win away at Notodden.

Lastly, Løv-Ham and NIL Trysil played out an utterly uninteresting 0-0 draw.

In the news this week, Start's economical situation is becoming increasingly difficult. In spite of having sold Anthony Annan to Rosenborg for 10 million NOK the soon-to-be-promoted club needs to come up with 35 million more, sharpish. 

The construction of their shiny new stadium coupled with last season's unexpected relegation has landed the southerners in dire straights, and this season's low attendance-figures hasn't helped either.

Start have sent out letters to various wealthy people in the area and asked them to chip in, and if their current owners can't stump up the cash a change of ownership seems a likely solution. 

While an adeccoliga team with a tippeliga wage-bill, a high-maintenance stadium and low attendance-figures might not be a terribly enticing business-proposition, the team look nailed on for promotion to the more lucrative Tippeliga so Start's fiscal and sporting future looks bright enough. They just need to get through this slightly tricky period to get there.

Fjordball On Wikipedia

Let's be honest here; there are few things quite as boring as international-weeks. Particularly if your country isn't playing on Wednesday, in which case you're left with almost a whole week of bugger all happening.

A quick meeting at fjordball-towers revealed a complete consensus among the staff that there's no point in pretending the latest stories from Norwegian football are even remotely interesting.

Morten Gamst Pedersen's dad is annoyed at Dagbladet for claiming his son was booed when he came on for John Carew:"I was there too, I didn't hear any booing". Interesting? No.

Vålerenga-keeper Troy Perkins has "pulled an Almunia": He's told the media that he would consider changing his citizenship to play for Norway, even though he probably wouldn't get into the squad. Interesting? No.

The Lyn-board have woken up to the fact that since their manager Henning Berg announced that he will be taking over at Lillestrøm next season their sporting director and one of their players have followed suit, and have held a crisis-meeting to discuss whether or not they should boot him out of the club before he leaches more of their staff. Interesting? No.

So instead of forming an opinion and writing about any of this, fjordball decided to make a wikipedia-entry of itself. It's feeble and meek, but it's a start. Now it's entirely possible if not probable that it has been deleted by the time you read this, but if not we here at fjordball-towers have but one wish: That you, in the true spirit of fjordball, vandalize the hell out of it. 

Write whatever you want, the more outlandish and libelous the better. Go for it! We want you to experience the joy of contributing to the world's biggest source of misinformation.

Make us proud!

Hareide Get It Right.. But Then Balls It All Up Again

Norway 2 (Steffen Iversen 2x) - Iceland 2 (Heidar Helguson, Eidur Gudjohnsen)

Hard-work, some terrific zonal-marking and lethal set-pieces: For the crowd at Ullevål it was like a flashback to the great Norwegian national-side of the 90's. 

..but enough about Iceland, this fjordball not jökulball. 

Predictably, criticism of manager Åge Hareide was crass after Saturday's fiasco. A savage barrage of editorials awaited in the papers the next day, and according to one online poll a whopping 82% of people who could be bothered to click on the poll think he should resign. A short sighted, knee-jerk reaction, but failing to beat a nation of 300,000 people tends to make people a little short-sighted.

Now, quite uncharacteristically, fjordball actually thought Hareide got quite a few things right this time. His decision to include Fredrik Winsnes proved a sound one, the whole midfield diamond-thing looked like it was starting to work and deploying Steffen Iversen at the tip of that diamond was a very good decision indeed. Generally, Hareide's initial game-plan was a good one.

Unfortunately for him it all went a bit pear-shaped during the match. With Norway leading 2-1 and pushing on for a third goal, Hareide's tiresome defensive-streak reared its ugly head once more as he took off John Carew, sent on an out of form-Morten Gamst Pedersen and changed to a more defensive formation. Iceland immediately seized the initiative and equalized, and with momentum on their side and Norway looking shapeless and confused they almost scored a late winner as well. "Some times you try to be clever," Hareide explained later.

Most Norwegians have accepted by now that their country aren't and won't ever be an international heavyweight, but the fact that their national team-manager doesn't have the guts to go for the jugular at home against Iceland is something they find hard to swallow.´

There are plenty of individual players one could blame, the inexperienced duo of Reginiussen in defense and Jarstein in goal must share the blame for both goals, the blinged-up Torstein Helstad was largely inefficient up front and midfield "General" Martin Andresen misplaced even more passes than usual.

But the lingering image of this particular Norwegian failure is that of Hareide's harikiri-like tactics, stupidly surrendering momentum and killing the shape of the team in an effort to secure a 2-1 lead against Iceland on home turf.

And people wonder why Norwegians are turning their back on the national-side..

Rekdal Take The Reigns At AaFK

The man who brought Rosenborg's 13 year-run as Tippleliga-champions to an end is back in action, this time at Aalesund. A six month-pause from management was enough for Kjetil Rekdal, who will now be aiming to secure Aalesund's Tippeliga-status before turning them into an established member of the top-flight.

As a player Rekdal had a distinguished career at club-level in Norway, Germany, Belgium and France, and internationally he notched up no less than 83 caps, scoring 17 goals. In his first gig as a manager he took over at a recently relegated Vålerenga in 2001, got them promoted and won the Tippeliga in 2006 (having lost the title on goal-difference the year before). He thereby secured his place in the history-books as the manager who ended Rosenborg's 13-year run as champions. He resigned from Vålerenga half-way into the following season after a poor run of results, feeling the players had stopped responding to his methods. Since then he has tried his luck abroad with Lierse and Kaiserslautern, with rather less impressive results. 

Rekdal: At Vålerenga

At the press-conference announcing his appointment Rekdal made no secret of his intentions for the club: "When we speak again in 2011 the table-situation will look different, I guarantee it," he told the assembled hacks.

A shrewd tactician and a highly competent team-builder, Rekdal is considered by many (fjordball included) to be one of the most promising young Norwegian managers about. He now has seven games to steer Aalesund clear of relegation, either through climbing the league-table or beating whoever comes fourth in the Adeccoliga in a two-legged playoff. 

Everyone here at fjordball towers are pleased to see Rekdal back in charge of a club, but we will miss him dearly as a TV-pundit. His brief spell with TV2 this season was a breath of fresh air; his direct mannerisms and genuine insight into the game was a crucial counterbalance to the asinine blatherings of Bengt Eriksen and his ilk. 

Still, nothing can keep a true football-man like Rekdal in the TV-studio and away from the training-ground for too long, and Aalesund should be the perfect place for Rekdal to rebuild his reputation after his failed stint abroad.

Lyn Paying The Price As Exodus Continues

Strange and confusing times at Fc Lyn Oslo; on the pitch they are having their best season in recent memory, but off it the club is in complete meltdown-mode.

It's been known for a while that manager Henning Berg and top-scorer Espen Hoff are gone after the season, both opting against renewing their contracts. Now it has emerged that sporting director Torgeir Bjarmann and fullback Lars Kristian Eriksen will be following Henning Berg to Lillestrøm.

Eriksen: Latest Lyn-player to sign for someone else

First team-stars Eddie Gustafsson and Tomaz Sokolowski are also likely to leave the club on free transfers (though Sokolowski has told the media of his love for the club and that it would take a special offer for him to leave), and with Lyn's financial future an uncertain one things are generally quite bleak at Ullevål. 

"Who has stolen my club?," asks supperter Tjøstel Lindøe in a rather inane column on the website of Lyn's supporter-club. Sadly for their supporters, Lyn are paying the price of lacking foresight. 

In this day and age, letting your star-players get into the last six months of their contracts is something clubs cannot afford to do. In the big European leagues the tendency is clear: Big-name players are offered new contracts more than a year before their current ones expire, and if they are reluctant to sign they are often sold before their transfer-value diminishes. 

How Lyn allowed themselves to get in this position is anyone's guess. Wether it was lack of funds or just stupidity that kept them from renewing their players' contracts before this point, fjordball is in no position to know. 

One thing is for certain though, Lyn-fans: No one is stealing your club, you're just reaping what's been sown. 

Adecco-update

As one reader commented: There is a new sheriff in town in the Adeccoliga..

And that sheriff is Start, who had no trouble brushing aside Løv-Ham at home with a 3-1 scoreline. Odd on the other hand found the going touch in Sogndal and were surprisingly beaten 3-2 by the home-side. Two goals there from creaky old Håvard Flo (who, for all you trivia-fans, actually scored for the Norwegian national team against Scotland in the 1998 World Cup). 

Sandefjord consolidated their position in the top three (again) by predictably beating Bryne 3-1, while Hønefoss are refusing to go away and occupy the playoff-spot after a 2-1 away-win over Moss.

Down in the relegation-battle Kongsvinger were defeated once again, this time it was a 2-1 loss against Notodden. Hødd also failed in their quest for points as they were taken apart 4-0 by NIL-Trysil. Northern minnows Alta however recorded a crafty draw on the road against Sandnes Ulf.

And finally, Haugesund did their best to scupper their own chances of promotion by losing at home to Sarpsborg Sparta. 1-2 the scoreline in Haugesund.

In the news this week, Erik "Myggen" Mykland's year took a turn for the worse this week as he has been charged by the police for having an altogether too casual relationship with cocaine. "I have done something I'm not proud of," he told the press. The 37 year old midfielder who is currently training with Start in an attempt to make a comeback on the football pitch will most likely face a bout of community-service, and his lawyer is confident that this won't affect his chances of resurrecting his football career. Several football-personalities who played with Myggen on the national team have voiced their support for him, including Lillestrøm's outgoing sporting director Jan Åge Fjørtoft: "That people and colleagues should walk around and speculate about about Erik, I would call that social pornography of the highest coefficient,", the sporting director/tv-presenter told Dagbladet, sounding a bit doped up himself.

Some comings and goings in the Adeccoliga as well, Moss-manager Geir Bakke has been booted out of Melløs as Moss look likely to miss out on promotion yet again, while Bryne's sporting director Frode Olsen (rather cruelly nicknamed "DVD-Olsen" by some, in reference to his tendency to sign players based on, well, DVDs) is also out on his bike. 

Improving Lillestrøm Halt Annan-Less Stabæk

Lillestrøm 1 (Simen Brenne) - Stabæk 1 (Alanzinho)

A wonder-striker form Alanzinho wasn't enough for Stabæk as an improving Lillestrøm-side held them to a draw. The league-leaders had a lot to prove; that they could shrug off last week's UEFA disappointment, and perhaps more importantly that they are still the best team around now that Anthony Annan has buggered off to Rosenborg. Monday-night did little to make that last question-mark go away. The poor form of the talismanic striker Daniel Nannskog is also a worry, the Swede has now gone five straight games without finding the net.

Still, it must be said that Stabæk created more than enough to win the game and on another day they could easily have scored the goal they needed. As it stands though it's status quo in the title-race with all the top three teams drawing at the weekend.

With seven rounds to go the Tippeliga looks like this:

1 Stabæk - 39

2 Tromsø - 35
3 Fredrikstad - 35
4 Bodø/Glimt - 31
5 Lyn Oslo - 29
6 Rosenborg - 28
7 Viking - 26
8 Strømsgodset - 25
9 Brann, SK - 24
10 Vålerenga - 23
11 Molde - 20
12 Lillestrøm - 20
13 Aalesunds FK - 15
14 HamKam - 14

Stabæk's four point-lead is far from unassailable, but neither Tromsø nor Fredrikstad have been very convincing lately. A late surge from Rosenborg could give them a medal, but they are surely to far behind to claim the title.